Overthinking.

This is the point of time in life which I dislike like a lot. I hate overthinking stuff. Like
"will ibu be fine?"
"Where are we gonna get the money?"
"what can i do to help ibu?"
"Ttyl.."
"will there be enough time?"
"Still have to go school, going out on certain days, so will I have enough time to do art?"
"will this take up so much time?"
"ttyl.."
"ttyl.."
"I feel really bad for ignoring ppl, I'm sorry but I have to cause I can't help myself too."
"ttyl.."
"I REALLY want to relax but I can't."
Sometimes, I push myself too far. Overdo stuff but on the other side I feel like I have to do it.
Honestly, when ibu is not home, I will be the one usually who cleans the house, cook for my sibilings. I hope my sister help out sometimes. But....idk. And at the same time I have to managed between doing art too.
I feel soooooo tired.
I just want to relax and text him all day but I can't. This is when I feel bad for always having to say "Ttyl" to him. I'm really glad he understands. I really feel bad but I have to do this. Thats why whenever I text him during my breaks, I tend to sound idk? Fake? But the truth is I really want to text him but at the same time my mind will be asking me questions like "what are you gonna do next? You have no time to waste." Thats why I sound so unintrested eventhough I really do. Hais...I wish I could relax sometime. And the fact that straight after I'm over and done with art, I will be starting my job at Uniqlo. I just hope that job will be managable and not so tiring. Most of my friends have started their jobs. They seem to be soooooooooo tired everyday. It scares me. I mean I know it WILL be tiring. I just hope it will be a good kind if tired and not the bad kind. You know what I'm saying? Yeah those kind whereby you come home and say "I'm tired, but I had some fun." And not those kind whereby you say "I'm soooo tired can I not like go to work tmr? Or quit?" It worries me too. I mean, first job. Something new. I just really, really, really hope it will be a good experience for me. I hope JJ could get the same job too after he apply for it, at least I won't feel nervous. Really, he makes my life better. Even when I'm not being myself. I really appreciate him a lot. ♥ So yeah. This thoughts. Urghhhhh.
It annoys me too. The fact that I could only handle some and not all. I just want to feel relax and duty free some days. The only time I feel really calm is when I'm doing my prayers and texting him (JJ). Yeahhh. But it makes me sad to know that my overthinking and weird self is affecting people I love. I will cut down on my overthinking side. I just don't want people to feel like I'm being weird or avoiding them. I'm not. This is one of my flaws. I'm trying to change it.
I hate it too...
and I WILL change it and I PROMISE.